A new mission statement!

So.
after serious discussion of divorce, it has finally come down to me facing my flaws, accepting that they exist and now, it's time to truly deal with them.
Here is the problem:    i have grown so accustomed to ignoring, defending, denying, and qualifying that i am not sure when the stuff is rearing it's head.
For years i have been closed off to my partner, never allowing him to offer a hand in my personal struggles. instead i focused on what he was doing wrong, making things up in my head about what he was doing, all to be able to push him away, so that i didn't have to get close and feel vulnerable.
Now, i have been dealing with the same stuff for over 20 years i guess, i HAVE moved passed a couple of things, i think, unless i am fooling myself. So i feel very frustrated that i am still acting like a scorned teenage girl.
I am playing out my anger for someone else(not sure who), on my husband, who in the beginning, tried to let me figure my way through the maze on my own, as i said i had to do, and still, i hold him at arms length, still i force a role onto him that does not belong, still i make no progress.
And STILL, he is HERE!
I fooled myself into thinking that i had it all figured out and if i walked away from this marriage i would would only excel in life.
I was wrong. I was blaming him for reacting to years of emotional abuse(for lack of a better term) with his own anger, i blamed him for shutting me out and walking away, when i was the one who sent him every message to do so. I set it up so that he had no say, and he knew it, and then i blamed him for having feelings about it all.
Here is my new mission statement:
I will take action and acknowledge all the fallacies i set in motion, i will see them for what they are, i will find a way to create a healthy reality for myself, and inevitably, my marriage, i will set up a new core belief and move forward with it.
I will let him off the hook, and try to patch the holes it left in his soul.