Where to step?

I feel that I am broken almost completely now. Overtime I have recognized the cracks, and lately they have been widening. I say lately, but it's been years.
So the fear is what to do, or more accurately, how to do something different.
How to pull this dead marriage out of it's death chair and bury it. Especially when my partner refuses to acknowledge the final decay.
I want more and don't see any way to find it with him.
I want deep love, I want partnership, support, understanding, mutual respect, friendship. I also want to be alone, to actually process the feeling of relaxation when I am alone, to not have to jump when I think I am going to be caught doing so. Because I don't deserve it. Because he is out there working and functioning and keeping us afloat. I am not entitled to any rewards until I free myself from my dysfunction, thereby freeing him. I do not have any idea how to free myself, and think I can only do it by letting go of those I hold close. I can no longer subject others to my misery and as I see no way to end it for myself, I have to let them go.
I don't believe that this will end it for me, but it doesn't help to have him in my life, it only fuels breath on my neck, negative reinforcement, self defeat.